Couldn’t Hurt!
A friend of mine found me a Naturopath in Australia who thinks he can help me with the autoimmune stuff (lupus, CFIDS, fibromyalgia, etc.). He asked me some questions and asked for a recent picture of my face. He asked some more questions, then came up with a plan. It’s going to be very hard for me to follow his advice, although it completely makes sense.
He told me to give up meat, which is no problem. I’ve been a vegetarian off and on all of my life. He recommended some homeopathy, which I ordered. I’ve used homeopathy before and believe it is useful.
There is one last thing, and this will make or break the whole thing.
I HAVE TO GIVE UP SUGAR! <insert woeful organ music here>
Of course sugar makes me sick. I know that.
It’s just that nobody officially told me. I live on sugar and carbohydrates because I’m too miserable to fix healthy food. I’m never hungry, so I have coffee and Pop-Tarts three times a day so I can take my medicine and not get sick.
I have given up sugar before, in the early 1980’s. I gave up caffeine then, too. I’m not being asked to give up caffeine this time, so it will be easier than last time, right?
The doctor told me it would take a real ‘act of will’ on my part to see this through and get myself better. He told me I will go through detox and be sicker than I have been. This will apparently cycle through several times, and I will be miserable. He said my instincts will tell me to quit, and this is where will comes in.
This is my answer regarding how to do the Great Work while lying in bed.
It is my will to refrain from eating sugar and animal flesh, and to take my medication in order that I may restore my body that I might accomplish the Great Work.
Do what thou wilt shal be the whole of the Law.
Love is the law, love under Will.
Back To Business
So, all of a sudden it’s almost eight months later. I had what you might call a ‘bad spell’. I will spare you the self-serving details; suffice it to say I was not in a bloggin’ mood. Frankly, I forgot I even had a blog. Or where it was. Or how to find it. I just googled myself and it lead me here. Yikes.
I just read Julie and Julia (I haven’t been able to concentrate enough to read for the last months. I love reading and I’ve missed it terribly). Julie Powell blogged about her cooking experiences with Julia Child’s cookbook, and people actually read her blog. She found this oddly encouraging. I think it would be fun to have a space where cyber-folk could come and hang out and talk to each other, using my blog as a starting point. Not because I crave attention, but it would be an interesting way for people to get acquainted.
Especially for the people to whom I’m addressing this. The chronically ill. We all need arenas in which to blow off steam, share stories and information, and cheer each other on. It would be good if this blog became a place like that.
So, back to business. My will is to be of service. It’s hard to ‘be of service’ as we would ordinarily think of the phrase, when bedridden. This is where my essence comes in. The part of me that is not my body. My body is a broken suitcase carrying this incredible spirit, or soul, or whatever one chooses to call it.
How can I work from that place? What can I do that will advance my evolution? That will wake me up? That will initiate me?
I am taking online classes on Kabbalistic Pathworking and The Human Biological Machine as Transformational Apparatus, a book by E.J. Gold; that addresses the whole essence/body awakening thing. It’s really an alchemical thing. There’s a certain way to do this Work effectively. In my current state, I can’t follow all the rules.
Now this brings me to something Pema Chodron said about meditation. I’m paraphrasing, but she said that people are always telling her, “I could meditate fine if my back didn’t hurt, or it wasn’t so noisy, or I wasn’t so worried”; whatever the difficult circumstance is. She replies, “Well, yeah! Everybody has that. Those are the tools that teach you how to meditate.”
I’m sure this path is the same. I can use all of my woes to transform into something useful. I just need to figure out how.
The Aggravation Alone!
Okay. What do I mean by ChronicWorld?
Two things. First, I am trying to awaken the Human Biological Machine in order that I may accomplish the Great Work. In doing that, I have to be aware of my ‘chronic’, that mechanism this Machine has chosen to avoid dealing with sticky situations. It’s different for everybody, but you have one.
You could use sarcasm, anger, fear, tears; any knee-jerk reaction to unpleasantness. We’ll talk more about that later.
Then there’s chronic as in chronically ill. I have Lupus, which prevents me from doing a lot of the things I used to take for granted. I have to readjust my priorities and think more creatively in order to live as closely as possible the life I have chosen for myself. More on that later, too.
I’m in new territory here, trying to find balance between work and Great Work, sickness and health, when to sit and when to remain standing.
How It Starts
How do you live a life that is not what you’d chosen, but what you were given?
This is what I’m struggling with now. We’ll see what happens.
